Omegle chats

[Unit731]

そはすゃ しはなそ ぬっ ち むなへへ な ゅなにそすせ ねつにはすせゅなゃ

Sohasuya shihanaso nutsu chimuhehena yunatasosusenetsutahasuseyunayu. What the fuck.

Wait a minute thats not even a sentence its random letters

[Kayar]

Starting Omegle post...
You are now reading my Omegle post! Say hi!

Code: Select all

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey
You: no
You: no no
You: no
Stranger: ok
You: I refuse
Stranger: mkay
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Code: Select all

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hello
You: Greetings sir. I am concerned for your child. His recent school reports show a downward trend.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Code: Select all

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: indian?
You: Greetings sir. I've been looking at your credit report, and it seems that things are going badly for you.
You: Might I suggest a change of location?
Stranger: why so?
You: To escape from the loan sharks, of course.
You: Perhaps you would like to move to Hong Kong? Or maybe Antarctica?
Stranger: no
You: We have prime housing waiting for you in Amsterdam.
You: The move would take at most... three days.
You: Of course, all the typical precautions would be seen to...
You: Your name change, for example, so they can't track you down.
You: We've even already decided on an identity for you, my friend.
Stranger: r u m/f?
Stranger: age?
You: You will be known as: Richard Farkhas. Dick for short.
You: Does this please you, sir?
Stranger: fuck offffffffff
You: We will prepare the private jet, sir. Your things will be taken and moved tomorrow.
You: Have a nice day.
You have disconnected.

I have disconnected.

[Slapzy]

[Kayar]

This topic must not die.

Code: Select all

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: greetings fleshy life-unit
Stranger: asl
You: I have been studying your species for quite some time
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Code: Select all

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Do you know of a way to safely remove super glue from one's nether regions?
You: No?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Code: Select all

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hiii 18 m,looking for horny girl with pics or msn?
You: yeah, you fail in so many ways.
You have disconnected.

Code: Select all

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Did you see that?!
Stranger: wat?
You: That!
Stranger: nope
You: Holy shit man, it flew by so fast
You: how the hell did you not see it?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Code: Select all

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: No one likes you.
Stranger: the other guy said he loved me
Stranger: :[
You: Your life is meaningless.
You: He does not.
Stranger: -kills self-
You: Yes, that should happen.
You: It is all that you deserve.
You: Your being born was nothing but an unfortunate accident.
Stranger: no i wasnt
Stranger: my brother was an accident
Stranger: >.>
You: They told you that to hide the fact.
You: He secretly knows the truth.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

[Fortune]

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey
You: HELP
Stranger: wats up
Stranger: ahh whatt
You: I accidentally the whole pencil
Stranger: whattt
You: What do I do?
You: I accidentally the whole pencil
You: What do I do?
Stranger: eat it
You: Okay then!
You: Om nom nom
You: Tasty
Stranger: mmmmm
You: Oh shit
Stranger: whatt
You: The pencil is still here
Stranger: shitts
You: So what did I ... GUIURGH

You: No
Stranger: zup dawg?
You: No
Stranger: Yes?
You: I dissaprove of saying yes
Stranger: hehe
You: I only say no
You: What's so funny
Stranger: no u dont
You: Yes I di
Stranger: that youre saying other stuff than no
You: DAMMIT!
Stranger: hihi
You: You tricked kid!
Stranger: :O
Stranger: where u from stranger?
You: Kid takes 2 damage and is now confused
Stranger: que?
You: You get another turn to attack
Stranger: *stunattack*
You: Kid uses FFFFFFFUUUUUU and does nothing
You: Use a children ball?
Stranger: i eat children for lunch
Stranger: guess what i eat for breakfeast
Stranger: ....
You: Mold mereal?
Stranger: whats is that
Stranger: ?
You: Cold cereal?
Stranger: english is not my native tounge
Stranger: no
You: Hot cereal?
Stranger: usually eggs and bacon
Stranger:
You: Hehe
Stranger: how bout y
Stranger: u
You: You said doody
You: I eat radios for breakfasg
Stranger: for realzz?
You: Fo shizzle
Stranger: are you really bored or why are you here?
Stranger: fo shizzle dizzle
You: I am here cuz I am tracking ur IP
You: And setting up an air stime
You: Strike*
Stranger: wow
Stranger: how's it going?
You: *calling in a harrier air strike*
You: HEH WHITE POWER!
Stranger: so where am I right now?
You: Silly
Stranger: im a n*gger
You: You should know where u r
Stranger: yes i do
You: But ur neighbor is HOT
Stranger: but the question is
Stranger: DO YOU?
Stranger: i know
You: Know where my kids are?
You: Yes I do
Stranger: I would say u dont have kids
You: They are I. Between my lega
Stranger: but what do i know
You: YOU KNOW NOTHING MORTAL!
Stranger: really
Stranger: ?
You: YARLY
Stranger: gnarly
You: Fosharly
Stranger: goddarnly
You: Ima sleep nao. Have fun with that rapist I sent To ur house
You have disconnected.

[Amy]

burmp

You: asl?
Stranger: hey
Stranger: 21 f chile
You: How's chile over there.
Stranger: okay
Stranger: asl
You: Are they doing okay after that volcano?
You: Or was it a alien invasion
You: i cant remember
Stranger: i cant remember the last time i talked to such an idiot

[Kayar]

burmp

You're two posts late. I already bumped it. Herp derp.

[tokage]

Code: Select all

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: Yes, I'd like a large pepperoni pizza with extra cheese, and a large Mt. Dew.
Stranger: OMG
Stranger: me too!
You: Cool
Stranger: yeah
You: Go get it
Stranger: i'm aewsome.l
Stranger: a;owhtea
Stranger: bad typing day
Stranger: um, i'm not a housewife, get off your fat ass and get it yourself
Stranger: yeah
Stranger: that's right,.
Stranger: bite me.
Stranger: (btw, Mt. Dew? for realz? you're gonna die of fatness.)
You: The human mouth holds many infectious diseases. Are you sure?
Stranger: YES
Stranger: omg.
Stranger: swap. spit.
Stranger: no
Stranger: not really
Stranger: you type slow
Stranger: wow.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Wanted to see what would happen if I just let him do all the talking.

Code: Select all

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Welcome to Dan's fine Eatery. How may I help you?
Stranger: ich liebe dich
Stranger: ugh
Stranger: i want like 3948483975 donuts
Stranger: in 12 minutes.
Stranger: i need them.
Stranger: wrapped and bagged individually.
You: Would you like any animal semen with that?
Stranger: double bagged
Stranger: ya i need 8 jars of moose piss and 3 ounces of turtle cum
Stranger: i want the piss to be steaming hot.
Stranger: and the cum to be lukewarm.
You: Uh huh. I would just like to warn you that I will soon stab you and run away
You: 3
You: 2
You: 1
You: Stab
Stranger: lol
You: O shit.
Stranger: r u running?
You: I tripped
Stranger: i cant tell bc ur so fat
You: and broke my bone somewhere
Stranger: ya now im gonna shoot u
Stranger: 3
Stranger: 2
Stranger: 1
You: on something
Stranger: chk chk
You: ..
Stranger: now ur dead i win u fuckin hippy
You: Oh dear
You: It would seem I am dead
Stranger: r u crying?
Stranger: a little bit?
You: That would be hard to do
You: because I am dead
Stranger: woww dead ppl can cry.. u didnt know?
You: U didn't know?
Stranger: they can piss too.. im gonna need a urine sample.
Stranger: taste test.
You: I find your ignorance appalling
Stranger: i did know. i taught u that interesting fact.
You: silly dead person
Stranger: i fuck ur gramma all the time jonny
You: I have rejected your reality and substituted it with my own
You: So there
Stranger: u cant do that it breaks the rules.
Stranger: stop copying the dictionary.
Stranger: im gonna tell on u
You: Uh huh, and why is that?
Stranger: if u dont play my way
Stranger: do u wanna die?
Stranger: ??!?!?!?
You: Ahem, this is my reality
Stranger: bc i will fuckin killl u over again right now!!
Stranger: no its notttttt
You: Read above statements
Stranger: read between the lines
You: you will find that it is
Stranger: do u fart loud?
You: sometimes
You: after eating chile.
Stranger: does it stink?
You: it smells like the rotting flesh of a million souls. So not really
Stranger: souls dont have flesh fuckhead
Stranger: learn ur smells
You: In my reality
You: they do
You: so there
Stranger: FUCK UR REALITY
You: no follow up
You: I see
Stranger: i want u dead.
Stranger: forever.
You: But I am
Stranger: in all the realities.
You: Foolish goat
Stranger: is ur face crusting off?
You: no
You: u just shot me
Stranger: well then ur not dead.
You: it hasn't beeen long enough
Stranger: no ur face would crust instantly.
You: I think you are thinking of Krispy Kreme Donuts
Stranger: im not overweight!!!
You: O RLY?
Stranger: chyea
You: damn
You: I must return to hq
You: to be shot
Stranger: im only 5'3 and weigh 265.
You: even though I am dead and that act would be pointless
Stranger: im not fat at all.
You: I see
You: Well, not literally
Stranger: im sexy
You: That would be creepy
Stranger: ur creepy.
Stranger: for trying to be dead.
Stranger: when ur not.
Stranger: but u shld be
Stranger: fuckin creep
You: creep creep creep creep
You: Weird word
Stranger: so i creep yaaa jus keep it on the downlow.
Stranger: cuz nobody is supposed to knoww whoaaa so i creep
You: How low?
You: Like, down to hell?
Stranger: how low can u go?
You: China
Stranger: meh,lower.
You: Burma
Stranger: a LITTLE lower.
You: Hell
Stranger: not that low.
Stranger: but almost
Stranger: would u go down on me?
Stranger: i think thats low enuff.
You: No. That would be fucked up.
Stranger: ima girl...........
You: considering I am not human
Stranger: its okay. i let my cat lick my ass all the time.
You: That is fucked up. Truly Fucked up
Stranger: why?
You: Im not entirely sure
Stranger: pickles would lick ur ass too..
You: I have no ass
Stranger: how do u have an orgasm?
You: How do YOU have an orgasm?
You: I don't think we can be together.
Stranger: i put a fork in my mouth and push the other end in an electrical socket.. the usual way duhh
You: We just dont have enough in common
Stranger: but i just fell in love.
You: Cool
You: You should really go kill yourself now

O_o

[Smythe]

Code: Select all

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: 21/m
You: hot ugay babe
Stranger: say what?
You: hot, u gay babe?
Stranger: no im not gay?
Stranger: gay
Stranger: u can see me?
You: you are i know you are
Stranger: nope im not im prefectly strait
You: don't you remember that night?
Stranger: no offense to the gay peeps though
Stranger: haha ur trippin
You: you were pretty drunk though
Stranger: yea sure....
You: but you still goatse'd the same anyway
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Code: Select all

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hi
Stranger: howdy!
You: i'm in love with you!
Stranger: well, gosh!
Stranger: it's right nice to meet you, too
You: I think i shall fall over for yo!
You: you* :)
You: do you love me back?
Stranger: absolutely ;)
You: Yay so next time we meet up i'll be doing the goatse ok?
You: you can help this time
Stranger: okay, that's not trolling creepers,
Stranger: that's going from nice/creepy to waaayyy creepy
You: ok so you'll do the goatse?
Stranger: I have no idea what that is, and don't want to know!
You: ok fine but i'll get the vase ready this time
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

[crazyshroom]

How come every time I to try have a funny chat they always end up screaming ASL and disconnecting.

[Smythe]

How come every time I to try have a funny chat they always end up screaming ASL and disconnecting.

because you touch yourself at night....

Just say i love you as a starter and go from there.

[G[v]N]

I nominate Slapzy for best Omegle chat

I nominate Kayar for most amount of epic funny Omegle chats

Now I shalt go Omegle with a British accent, tally ho!

EDIT:

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: G'day, old chap!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Omeglers don't like British accents.

[Turtle]

I nominate Slapzy for best Omegle chat

I nominate Kayar for most amount of epic funny Omegle chats

Now I shalt go Omegle with a British accent, tally ho!

EDIT:

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: G'day, old chap!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Omeglers don't like British accents.

The majority of English people don't speak like that!

[Kayar]

Old boy, why don't we go on out for some tea and crumpets, wot wot?

On another note, I have been trying to pull something off here, but either they leave early or they just don't know internet memes. AT ALL. Seriously, it seems that very few people using Omegle actually know anything about our great culture at all. Though I suspect this one knew something...

Code: Select all

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: I am a troll.
You: An Omegle troll.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

And here we have an example of typical Omegle ignorance...

Code: Select all

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: I am a troll.
You: An Omegle troll.
You: Do you know what that means?
Stranger: hi
Stranger: asl?
You: No.
You have disconnected.

Code: Select all

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: I am a troll.
Stranger: hi
Stranger: asl?
You: An Omegle troll.
You: Do you know what that means?
Stranger: no
Stranger: i think lik a monster
You: No... no... no. >.<
You have disconnected.

Code: Select all

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: I am a troll.
You: An Omegle troll.
You: Do you know what that means?
Stranger: i am a ogre
You: Yeah... no.
You: No, no you are not.
You have disconnected.

And then, finally, after trying like 25 times with no success, I found someone... And my setup worked...

Code: Select all

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Are you also an idiot? Just like all the others?
Stranger: dunno...do you kill kttens?
You: No, I do not.
You: But I am a troll, and I do troll people on Omegle and make fun of them.
You: Y'know, tell people what dumbasses they are...
You: How miserable their lives are.
You: But today
You: Today feels different
You: I feel different
You: today I feel like...
You: All I want is to...
You: to sing...
You: NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP
You: NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN
You: NEVER GONNA RUN AROUND AND DESERT YOU
Stranger: nooooooooooo
You: NEVER GONNA MAKE YOU CRY
Stranger: my ears!!!!!!
You: NEVER GONNA SAY GOODBYE
You: NEVER GONNA TELL A LIE AND HURT YOU!
You have disconnected.

[Turtle]

Code: Select all

You: NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP
You: NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN
You: NEVER GONNA RUN AROUND AND DESERT YOU
Stranger: nooooooooooo
You: NEVER GONNA MAKE YOU CRY
Stranger: my ears!!!!!!
You: NEVER GONNA SAY GOODBYE
You: NEVER GONNA TELL A LIE AND HURT YOU!
You have disconnected.

Please tell me you had to Google those lyrics...